Computer Love 101

January 18, 2009 § Leave a comment

How to find Mr. Right online


Computer Love – Zapp and Roger

If looking for love has left you jaded, don’t fret just yet. The power to find your soul mate (or at least a good date) could be at your fingertips–just a click away. With a stigma no longer attached at the hip, online dating is now a growing trend. Nowadays, its popularity is quite simple: You can find practically anything online, so why should finding a date be any different? Women, especially those who lead busy lives and find it difficult to connect with potential mates in more traditional ways, see online dating as convenient because they can weed out unsuitable mates faster by simply viewing profiles. Also, there’s anonymity to online dating because you only disclose as much information as your comfort level allows. Plus, rejection–which both women and men face in the dating game, is less harsh in online dating because somehow revealing, “I’m just not that into you,” over a computer screen doesn’t burn as bad.

Every woman has her reasons for pursuing online dating, but underneath it all is a hope that she can find compatibility. Let’s be honest, it’s hard to find love out there—especially for women of color. According to the most recent Census Bureau data, 54 percent of women over the age of 18 are unmarried. And only 30 percent of black women and 49 percent of Hispanic women are living with a spouse compared with 55 percent of white women. With daunting figures like these, it’s reasonable to keep an open mind when approaching dating, which is probably why so many women are at least trying online dating.

Online dating can seem effortless. Post your profile and bingo—you’ve hit the jackpot! Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. But, it also doesn’t have to leave you frustrated to the point of no return. Here, tips on how to play the online dating game and win big!

Find Your Flavor
In the past, online dating consisted of only a few general websites, making it overwhelming to find the perfect match in a cyberspace of thousands of men whose only discernible attributes are “single” tags. Now, there are thousands of websites that target specific demographics as well as niches—making it easier for you to search only for mates that suit your taste level. These specialized sites aren’t just the typical ones based on race, political and religious affiliations or even dress size. Ever wondered if there’s a guy out there who loves pets as much as you? Yes, there are even sites out there that cater to preferences as specific as that.

Create a Winning Profile
This should be obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many women don’t take their profiles serious. Put as much effort into crafting your profile as you would for your resume for your dream job. Let your personality shine through with your prose and pick a profile name that showcases your individuality. When posting your picture, choose a main profile picture that is clear, up-to-date and showcases your greatest physical assets, without revealing too much skin. Also make sure your photograph portrays you in a relaxed state—no pictures of yourself in business mode. You wouldn’t wear a suit on your first date, so don’t convey that to potential matches. Perception is everything.

Make the First Move
If you spot a guy online that seems like a good fit, don’t be afraid to catch his attention online by sending him a message. Many guys are attracted to confident women and aren’t taken aback by one who is willing to approach them first. He probably thinks you’re quite the catch as well. And, if he doesn’t, there’s plenty more fish in cyberspace.

Expect Disappointments
Don’t go into this with expectations so high that any disappointments will be a devastating blow your heart or ego. Like traditional dating, in online dating you probably won’t find Mr. Right right away. It takes time. You will find guys online that give you butterflies on the first date. And you will find guys online who may have you running for the door. You might even find a guy who isn’t Mr. Wrong nor Mr. Right, but will turn out to be a good friend. Dating is a learning experience, despite the method you use. Be realistic.

Use Discretion
Despite what you read on his profile, a potential Mr. Right is still a stranger to you before you meet him in person. Use caution. Before you agree to meet a potential match, exchange phone numbers first. Once you feel comfortable, agree to meet him in a public place for your first date. A bookstore or a coffeehouse are great options.


9 Tell-Tale Signs It’s Over

July 13, 2007 § 3 Comments

dating_blog.jpgDating is definitely an exciting adventure because you step outside yourself and engage in an exploration of human compatibility. The journey is always sweet–in the beginning. But, as you trudge along you may discover that some elements of your relationship are tell-tale signs that the journey is over—or at least should be.

1You haven’t done anything new or out of the ordinary with your significant other in quite awhile. Relationships will become stale, boring, and probably predictable if you don’t try new things together. If your dates are becoming the same scenario week after week, it means you’re not learning more about each other.

2Phone conversations are often replaced by text messages or instant messages. Sure, this generation is all about technology and rightfully so! Both modes of communicating are embedded in convenience because they are quick and easy methods that allow people to multi-task. But, if texting and AIM are becoming the main modes of communication, then you’re probably heading for trouble because it is often hard to read emotions or fully understand the tone of conversations when you’re looking at words on a phone or computer screen.

3 You don’t hang out together as much as you used to. This could simply mean you are one half of a pair of passing ships in the sea because you’re both super busy. But, it can also mean that your guy/girl wants to spend time doing something else, which is completely fine because you should each welcome space. However, if it gets to a point where you’re barely seeing each other, that’s probably a good indication one of you is losing interest.

4You’ve been dating a pretty long time and yet haven’t met any of your significant other’s friends and he or she has expressed no interest whatsoever in meeting yours. There comes a point in every relationship where you should acknowledge your relationship to your peers. Afterall, your friends are people you genuinely like and you usually respect their opinions. So why not introduce them. If you’re truly happy in your relationship, you should have no qualms about it. And if you do, it probably means you either have commitment problems or someone on the side.

5Little things that never used to bother you about your significant other appear to suddenly leave a sour taste in your mouth. When you’re truly content in your relationship, you’ll find that you accept or ignore the things he/she does that are annoying. But, after a while if these annoyances seem to jump out at you and frustrate you, then it may mean you’re simply not happy enough with everything else in the relationship to ignore these minor irritations.

6You complain to your friends about the relationship. When we complain to our friends about a significant other, it probably means we aren’t taking care of business by addressing our problem directly to our significant other. This is never good for obvious reasons.

7You haven’t had a serious discussion about where the relationship is going in a while. This should really be a red-flag, but many of us overlook it because we get so caught up in the fairy-tale idea of dating. And we’d rather be in any relationship (even if it’s not our ideal) than be solo. The point of dating is to spend enough time together to see if you both are compatible enough to become more serious. Sound old-fashioned? Probably, but it’s how many people think, even today. Not addressing this during the dating stage is a clear sign that the person you’re with isn’t interested in a commitment any time this century. If you aren’t interested in a commitment either, then celebrate! You’re definitely on the same page. But, if you are pro-commitment, take the hint and move on.

8You can no longer communicate with the person, and if you try to–you’re ignored. Communication is the main gel that will hold any relationship together, whether it be professional or romantic. So, if you can’t even find it in yourself to be honest with the person your dating and communicate your feelings (good or bad), this relationship is probably not going to last too long. And if you ignore them, it’s basically telling the other person he or she isn’t important enough to communicate with or that you don’t trust the person.

9Trying to salvage the relationship seems like more work than it’s worth. If for any reason you feel like you aren’t being appreciated or you’re the only one putting thought and effort into fixing a relationship that is faltering, then don’t even bother. It’s not fair to salvage something the other person doesn’t care about. That’s basically too much work for little reward.

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