DISCLAIMER: This post was written as the addict, writer was busy studying for an exam and was overcome with fantasies about hitting up the nearest Starbucks.

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I’d like to think I don’t have an addictive personality. All things in moderation, right? Apparently I’ve been in denial for the past four years (when my obsession began) because it hasn’t even been a week since I’ve had some and I feel like an addict going through the preliminary stages of withdrawal. Inquiring minds want to know: Is it drugs? Not a chance, I’ve always just said no. Smoking? I happen to like my lungs! Sex? Get your head out of the gutter!!

It’s an addiction that may seem like an exaggeration for most, but ask around. I swear it’s true! My addiction: coffee, java, Joe. My addiction goes by many aliases. Yeah, yeah, I know I must lead a rather monotonous life if a coffee addiction has consumed me enough to engage in such commentary.

Ha! Coffee’s no big deal. Where’s the harm in warming up to a little Joe every now and then. That’s exactly what I’d tell myself every time I walked into a Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts in search of my sanity.

Besides, I’m something short of an insomniac at times. Most college students are. So after losing sleep night after night, I need to depend on my morning fix to get me energized to begin another busy day. Some emergencies require two to four cups a day. Those emergencies range from final exams and 6am wake-up calls (after a night of just 2 or 3 hours of sleep) to adjusting to different time zones when I have the urge to get away–far, far away obviously.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. The second step is trying to figure out who to blame. I for one have found a number of people and entities responsible for my fall into addiction:

1. 1. My parents who thought it was absolutely adorable that as a child I indulged in tiny sips of their coffee.
   2. One of my favorite coffee pushers: Dunkin’ Donuts. “America runs on Dunkin!” Clearly this motto alone has set me and countless others up for failure, by insinuating that we Americans just can’t function without coffee. God help us all.
   3. Starbucks, because they’re so creative in all their coffee flavors (and advertising), that it’s hard for people to resist. And come on! You know all writers find themselves in Starbucks with a laptop in tow crafting their next masterpiece (hopefully), surrounded by young, attractive, hipsters drinking their afternoon lattes . The temptation to look cool is overbearing.
   4. Articles like this (based on studies of course) that come out so every often that proclaim the words, “(Coffee) can be a highly beneficial drink.” http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/15/health/nutrition/15coff.html
   5. This thing called college, where students often lose countless hours of sleep for the sake of a diploma.

So now inquiring minds want to know: Why are you giving up coffee? Well, last week I got braces and I’ll unfortunately be bound to them for a year and a half. Braces, ugh? What a bummer? Don’t people usually do that when they’re let’s say 8, instead of well, 21? These questions can (but probably won’t) be answered in another post.

Getting braces gave me the incentive to give up coffee because having braces requires a serious committment to better dental hygeine. And coffee is one of those drinks that unfortunately leaves stains on your braces and with the terrible amounts of sugar I always add to my coffee (despite the cries from friends to lay off), my orthodontist would probably kill me! In a nutshell, I’d rather not have the parentals dish out thousands of dollars for a less than stellar result–a perfect smile! And having an addiction to anything, even if it is as harmless as coffee isn’t necessarily a good thing. So, ever since I stepped into that orthodontist’s office and became Ugly Betty, I’ve made a vow to myself to let go of my java addiction.

The road has been hard and lonely. And running back and forth to NYC every week hasn’t helped. Do you know how many Starbucks are in NYC!! Temptation is all around me. But, I will NOT give in! So, pals if you see me with Joe, please tell me to let him go.

-MR

While most of my fellow seniors are busy enjoying senior festivities and trying to fight off senioritis, I am spending the first half of my last year of college a continent away in West Africa. When some people realized I was serious about coming to Ghana, the typical uninformed questions and comments that come when one decides to travel to a third world country surfaced. Ghana, what could you possibly do in Ghana? Why not study in Europe? Don’t you think you’d have more fun there? You better hope you don’t get malaria. And won’t you have to live in a hut or something? Are you sure it’s even safe there? What about the AIDS rate? Although I was annoyed by the ignorance of these comments, I understood how people could have these negative perceptions of Africa. Every time you turn on the television and there’s a story about Africa, it’s usually never anything positive. Images of starving children, violence, corruption and poverty fill the screen. As an aspiring journalist myself I feel there are two sides to every story and one of my reasons for studying abroad in Africa was to come back and show people that there is more to this continent than what people see on TV. Now I can’t speak for all of Africa because I’ve only been to Ghana. But I figure if travelers can base their positive perceptions of Europe on their experiences in just one European country like France or England, then I can look at Ghana as a positive representation of Africa. I’m now approaching the end of my time in Ghana and I must say this has been the best experience of my life. So allow me to give you some tidbits on life in Ghana from the eyes of a foreign student.

The People

Ghana has been hailed as one of the friendliest countries in West Africa Africa and I agree wholeheartedly. Never in my life have I encountered a country of people that are so amicable and willing to help—especially foreigners. In Ghana every time I enter a room, I’m greeted with a friendly, “You are welcome,” followed by a firm handshake. Asking for directions in a foreign land can be intimidating, but in Ghana even if the person can’t direct me, he or she will instantly lead me to someone else who can. I recall several times where I’ve met complete strangers simply walking down a dirt road or sitting on a bus. These strangers who were genuinely interested in finding out where I come from and what I think about their country soon became my friends. I recall another time when my friend and I were short on money to pay for tickets to a John Legend charity concert and two Ghanaian strangers insisted that we let them give us the money instead of trying to find an ATM in an area of town we were unfamiliar with. Another story that comes to mind was when I fell ill for a week and had to miss classes. When some of my Ghanaian classmates realized I was not in class, they actually called to see how I was feeling. Some of them even stopped by my hostel to wish me well. Or when one of my students from the after school program where I taught this semester sent me a handwritten note apologizing for not coming to class.The hospitality, concern and consideration for others in Ghana is like no other.

The Culture

Having lived in America my entire life and this being the only time I visited another country, adjusting to a new culture was difficult at times, but extremely rewarding in the end because I was exposed to many new and interesting things. One of the most important aspects of Ghanaian culture is etiquette. Before coming to Ghana etiquette for me didn’t go much further than the usual please and thank you. But in Ghana I found that it is considered insulting to use your left hand to pass or receive something or when shaking hands or eating something. In the beginning, I found myself having to remind myself constantly to comply with this custom. Now using my right hand for everything has become second nature. Greeting procedures are also more formalized in Ghana, especially in small towns and villages and when dealing with elders. I can also recall many times when my Ghanaian friends, acquaintances, and even strangers have offered me food. “You’re invited,” they say, meaning that I am welcome to share some of their food. I found that it was considered rude to decline their invitation to share food. Another aspect of Ghanaian culture I had to adjust to was the frankness in social interactions. In the Western world it is considered rude to tell a person that he or she is fat. But, in Ghana a comment like that is not considered rude at all. It is just considered to be someone’s observation of what they see when they look at a person.

Way of Life

One of the biggest culture differences I experienced was bargaining daily for food, goods, and transport. In America one may come across a street vendor or two in a city or visit a pawn shop and need to bargain for a good price. However, in Ghana bargaining is an everyday practice. At nearly every corner there is an outdoor marketplace where goods are sold or there are individuals selling products on the roadside. A common sight is a young woman carrying a basket of bread or a basket full of bags of water on her head or a person bargaining with a taxi driver. In the actual marketplace it is custom to bargain with the sellers, although there are some stores where there are fixed prices. I remember during my initial first few weeks I grew very frustrated with bargaining because many of the sellers would overcharge me for items because they knew I was a foreigner, meaning they assumed I had an excess amount of money. Once I learned how to bargain, going to the marketplace became less of a hassle and more of a breeze. Another part of living in Ghana that I had to adjust to was the lack of everyday conveniences from home. While the student hostel I lived in had indoor plumbing, there were several days when the water there would cut off. When this happened I filled up a bucket with water from a pump outside to wash my body. And because of the energy crisis in Africa, there were often power outages. Therefore, candles and flashlights were very useful. And in public places, especially in villages and small towns outside cities, finding restrooms were hard and sometimes nonexistent. So carrying toilet paper and hand sanitizer with me wherever I went became second nature. But as time passed I realized that these inconveniences were not as bad as they seemed and not having these inconveniences actually helped me to become more resourceful. Within just a couple of weeks I found myself adjusting more and more to these aspects of Ghana.

The Food

In Ghana, I was introduced to new foods, some of which like kenkey (sour tasting maize-flour balls steamed and wrapped in maize leaves), fufu (boiled cassava or yam that is pounded and served with soup) and banku (cassava and cornmeal) were acquired tastes. Other Ghanaian staples that didn’t take long for me to love were jollof rice (a spicy rice), waakye (rice and red beans) and kelewele (spicy fried ripe plaintain with stew). One of my favorite places to eat on campus was “The Night Market,” which was an outdoor market composed of several rows of vendors selling everything from chicken, fresh fish, soups, plantain, and rice to traditional Ghanaian foods like fufu. The name, “night market,” was kind of deceiving because the marketplace opened bright and early at 9am and closed at around 9pm every night. So I figured the name was due in part to the fact that it was one of the few places on campus that remained open late. The food here was extremely inexpensive, like many markets in Ghana. You could eat a hearty dinner for as little as $0.80.

The Language

One of the best parts about studying in Ghana was learning a new language. Although English is the official language in Ghana, most of the country’s people use their native tongue when communicating with each other. In the region of Ghana where I lived, people spoke Twi, the language of the Asante and Fante people. I enrolled in a Twi course (pronounced “tree”) and learned how to speak and write in Twi. The only other language I’ve studied was Spanish, so to learn an entirely new language in the land where it is spoken was incredible. Being able to understand Twi also helped me to communicate with the people more, which was extremely useful during my many travels away from the University. Whenever I spoke Twi to a Ghanaian person he or she would give me a light-hearted laugh and urge me to continue, which showed that they were amazed and delighted that I was learning their language. I soon learned that many of my Ghanaian friends also spoke pidgin (a blend of English and Twi), which also became useful during my time in Ghana.

University Life

I studied and lived at The University of Ghana, located in Legon, Ghana, about 13 kilometers north-east of Accra, Ghana’s capital city. Founded in 1948, it is the oldest and largest of the five public universities in Ghana with a student population of about 28,480 –a far cry away from the medium-sized campus of my home institution. Studying at The University of Ghana was very different from the States because the academics were way more relaxed, meaning that there wasn’t much work to do apart from coming to class and in most classes the only evaluation students receive is at the end of the semester at final examination time. Because of the more relaxed academic environment I had lots of free time, which gave me more time to really see Ghana and get more of a cultural experience—which was what I came for.

Traveling

Ghana is a beautiful country, so exploring all of the beautiful sights it offers was the best thing about my experience here. In my travels I found myself in Kumasi, home of the Asante people (one of the most powerful nations in West Africa at the end of the 19^th century) and best known for its kente-weaving villages. I also journeyed to the illustrious towns of Cape Coast and Elmina, which despite their beauty have a devastating past in that it is home to several castles and forts that held slaves during the Trans-Atlantic slave trade. In my travels there I toured both the Cape Coast Castle and Elmina Castle, which made for a somber but also enlightening experience. I also experienced my first ever harvest festival in Cape Coast, called Oguaa Fetu which takes place on the first Saturday in September. At the festival traditional chiefs from the area parade in kente-cloth togas and gold crowns and medallions. The most important chiefs are carried in canoe-like stretchers balanced on the heads of four manservants and shaded by huge parasols or umbrellas. The parade lasts all day and there’s lots of dancing, drinking, food, and music—giving it a Carnival-like atmosphere. I also traveled to the Eastern Region and the Volta Region (my favorite), where the mountainous and savannah-like landscapes and beautiful waterfalls are mesmerizing. During these travels I’ve been welcomed into small villages where the people (especially the children) are friendly and full of life. They taught me traditional African dance moves as well as how to cook Ghanaian dishes and even how to basketweave. In my many hikes around Ghana I’ve also seen my share of wildlife. I’ve gotten to feed baboons and monkeys and even ventured into a bat cave. Traveling throughout Ghana gave me the opportunity to see sights I could have never seen from the classroom and meet people I’ll never forget.

As I write this I’m approaching the end of my journey in Ghana. In less than two weeks I’ll be back home. The familiar sights, sounds, and people from America will be refreshing to return to. But at the same time the culmination of this journey is bittersweet. I gained more knowledge in four months here about Africa and perceptions of the Western world then I can learn in a lifetime living in America. I also gained a better appreciation for different cultures because I not only met students from Ghana, but students from all over the world. Each time I think about the journey back home I reflect on everything I experienced here in Ghana know that I’ll treasure the memories forever. As Zora Neale Hurston once said, “you have to go there to know there,” and I realize there’s so much more to Africa then what we see on TV.

-MR

Five time Grammy Award winner John Legend headlined the Soul of Africa Charity Concert last night at Independence Square in Accra, Ghana. Thousands of people attended the outdoor concert, which also featured international reggae star, Luciano as well as several other reggae and hip life artists. The purpose of the concert was to raise awareness and aid for the Northern region of Ghana, which was devastated by floods last month, killing over 100 people and leaving thousands displaced. Legend’s hour long performance was his first ever in Ghana. He performed several tracks off of his latest album, Once Again, including “Save Room,” “P.D.A., (We Just Don’t Care),” and “Another Again.” He also revisited songs from his debut album, Get Lifted, including “Ordinary People,” “Get Lifted,” and “Used to Love You.” The 12-hour concert was originally scheduled for Saturday, October 27, but was postponed after a severe thunderstorm hit Accra.

-MR

I’ve been enrolled at courses at the University of Ghana for over two months now and as expected I’ve noticed some differences between higher education here and higher education at my home institution back in America. The workload is not as heavy and many of the classes are pretty laid-back, meaning that some students can still successfully pass their classes without always coming to class. The teaching style relies heavily on the lecture. Students take notes, many times writing down the professors’ lecture word-for-word. Class discussions are minimal and at times nonexistent.

Usually one will find his or herself listening to the professor lecture every week and then at the culmination of the semester a final exam will be administered. However, even I have enough sense to recognize that each professor is different and that what is expected of students in one class differs from the next. Which is why I was absolutely appalled by the generalizations one of my African-American literature professors made who is a visiting professor from an Ivy League institution in the U.S.

Before getting to what she said, I’ll explain the dynamics of the class on that Monday afternoon. The class was assigned several texts to read from Zora Neale Hurston and Langston Hughes. Unlike most of my courses, this particular course is comprised of mostly international students. Now I’m not sure whether or not my colleagues were unaware there was an assignment or if they just assumed they could wing it. Whatever the case was, as soon as the professor announced that we would be having a class discussion on the readings that day, about 5 or 6 American students abruptly left the classroom. Their excuse: they didn’t read and therefore weren’t prepared to participate in the discussion. Now of course, my professor had briefly left the room so she did not see them leave.

When the professor returned to the classroom to begin class she asked the remaining handful of students, “where is everyone today? It looks like there are a lot of American students out today.” No one said a word. I for one wasn’t going to because I’ve never been one to rat anyone out.

We started class and the professor asked a Ghanaian male student a question about Hurston’s work. The student looked puzzled and couldn’t answer the question. “Have you done the reading?” the professor asked the student. Still no response from the student. “Look, it’s a yes or no question. Have you read or not?” the professor said in a condescending tone. The student finally responded, saying he hadn’t read the assignment. “You see how easy that was. Now you’re not wasting our time,” she said crossly. Embarrassed, the student sulked in his seat and was silent for the remainder of the class. She continued calling on different students to see if they had read. In this particular case it turned out that most of the American students had read and the Ghanaian students hadn’t.

Clearly the professor was annoyed that so many of her students weren’t prepared for her class, which is understandable. But, the statements she made next were what I had a problem with. “So have any of you actually done the reading? I know what the problem is. I know the Ghanaian students aren’t used to actually being expected to do their assignments. You’re used to having the lecturer lecture and that is all. Well, in America we are expected to complete our reading assignments and as a matter of fact we have something in America called pop quizzes and if I want to, I can give the class one next time to make sure that you’re reading. That’s true isn’t it that Ghanaian professors don’t ever call on students because they don’t expect them to have read, is that right.”

Clearly the professor was implying that it wasn’t a coincidence that all the Ghanaian students weren’t prepared for class that day. Apparently, Ghanaian students are used to having lower academic expectations. They’re not expected to work hard, the professor thought.

As the class continued, she referred Changes, by Ama Ata Aidoo, a Ghanaian author. She asked if anyone had read the novel before. I was the only one in the class that had read the book. And this was in my opinion an coincidence. I had only read the book because I had taken a global women writer’s literature course back in America. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have come across it otherwise. Some of the Ghanaian students told the professor that they were familiar with some of Aidoo’s poetry, but not the novels. The professor made it seem as if they should have read the book, especially since they are Ghanaian. “How could you have not read that novel. I’m really surprised at that! So when will you get to that,” she said in a sarcastic tone.

In reading this one may not think what the professor said was bad at all, but if one thinks about it one will realize that she was making generalizations about Ghanaian students, which is unacceptable and offensive. Imagine I am a student from an HBCU who is studying for a semester a predominantly white college. I am the only student who hasn’t read the assignment and the professor decides to attribute that to my HBCU education for which I’ve always been given low expectations (which isn’t true of course, but nevertheless what some people assume). I feel as though many people, my professor included would cry racism if this scenario unfolded. And they’d be right, wouldn’t they?

The professor insinuated that Ghanaian students were used to lower expectations in the classroom, which is definitely a generalization. What bothered me the most about the situation was that the professor had no idea that just minutes before her tirade, American students cut the class because they weren’t prepared. So this whole time she is putting American students on a pedestal and talking down to Ghanaian students as if they are somehow naturally used to not taking the classroom seriously. If the American students who were unprepared had stayed in the class, instead of cutting, the professor would have realized that being unprepared for class is not a Ghanaian thing at all. It’s a personal thing. Some students choose to do their work, some don’t. Some don’t show up for class at all. It’s that simple. It really is.

Now I’m pretty sure the professor didn’t think even for a second that she was out of line with the statements she made. Not only were her comments hurtful to Ghanaian students, but they also placed American students in a superior light, which should not be the case. American students are no more studious or conscientious than Ghanaian students.

Students no matter where they hail are all different and should be judged individually, not as a group. Generalizing groups of people should never be tolerated, especially in an academic environment. And this particular generalization coming from an American just further confirms the stereotype that Americans think they are better than everyone else, which is a stereotype we as Americans shouldn’t want to fulfill.

-MR

I told myself that no matter what I saw I wouldn’t cry. That Friday afternoon I mentally prepared myself to approach a place flooded with harrowing memories of a dark past–not of my own, but of ancestors that I’ll never know. I felt the presence of millions of men and women–all of them connected to me because of the lineage we share. Bodies and souls stripped from their native land and subjected to more than 400 years of forced labor intertwined with despair and death. Captured, chained, and exploited to build a New World that I today call my homeland—America.

I always knew America was built on the browbeaten backs of my ancestors. I understood the toil of centuries past. I was fully aware of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, having read several history books in my day and having heard stories from the mouths of my parents who made it their duty to make their daughter aware of her past, no matter how dark. Knowledge of one’s history spun from the pages of books and the tongues of men is telling. But seeing the traces of a bruised and battered history is even more powerful.

Just off the coast of West Africa lies a place in Ghana overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. The destination—the Cape Coast Castle, is now a tourist attraction. I watch as mostly foreigners walk to and fro, cameras in stow looking for the best angle to catch a glimpse of something strikingly beautiful to send along with the post cards they’ll send to their family, friends, and colleagues back home. Yes, the Cape Coast Castle! Oh, what a majestic sight for a tourist’s eyes to navigate. The pentagon shaped ivory colored structure covering about 3,900ms captivates all those who look upon her. The large triangular courtyard faces seaward giving rise to a stunning ocean view which centuries ago was where slaves were auctioned and branded before being placed in their dungeons. Despite the aesthetic visage of the castle, I look at it in disdain because the atrocities that took place here cannot be excused. The way the sunlight hits the castle attempts to eradicate the stark sadness that still permeates the premises. But I know better. There isn’t a light bright enough to deluge the despair that can still be felt within these walls even after all this time. With each step I take, my feet touch the solid rock surface and I envision the souls of my people. Their feet planted in this very same spot where I now stood. The only difference—my soul would be free once I left the premises, while the souls of my ancestors were trapped. Their footprints that I see as I walk are the remnants of a tragic past.

The tour guide, a Ghanaian male probably in his late 20s gives me and several other students a brief history of the darkness that at one time covered the Cape Coast Castle. The look in his eyes as he recounts the misery of millions upon millions of my ancestors is at times unbearable to witness. The male and female dungeons are deep, dark tunnels in the castle with one way in and one way out, symbolizing the entrapment that was the life of a slave. As I travel through the female slave dungeon I feel the coldness of the pain endured there long ago. Each dungeon had one air vent and opposite each vent was a spy hole, which enabled slave masters to supervise their captives. The walls of the castle were built with lime and sand, allowing the moisture to penetrate the walls evaporating inside to cool down the rooms’ temperature and whitewash the castle as it reflected heat into the air.

In this claustrophobic space where hundreds of women at a time laid their heads to rest, ate (very little), and relieved themselves, the stench of blood, sweat, and feces is an aroma one wants to forget, but cannot because it still lingers. The stains of blood spilled also remain. When sickness ensued as a result of these appalling conditions, the death toll increased. Awaiting shipment to the New World, the only daylight the slaves saw were the few minutes they spent on the courtyard for labor and exercise.

Inside the dungeons men and women were treated like savages. And those that showed resistance—their fate was gloomier. When I was led there, the vision was heartbreaking. When I entered what the tour guide referred to as “the cell,” my tears could not be withheld. Slaves were transported in shackles from their dungeons and pushed into this black hole of silence. In isolation, those that were forced into the cell waited to die from starvation or the lash—whichever came first. The silence and darkness of the cell was so much to bear that some even slowly went blind. Once they were dead or near death they were discarded into the Atlantic, their bodies washed away for eternity. With no knowledge of what conditions awaited them in the New World and frustrated with life in the dungeons, some slaves saw suicide as an escape. The plunge into the sea for many was like entering the gates of heaven. The sour taste of tears dripping downward, reaching the corner of my mouth made my head swell with pain. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. I had to stay in this moment to truly take in all that had happened in the cell. I stood motionless, a solemn look in my eyes as the tour guide said a prayer for all those that had passed on.

As I left the grounds of the castle that Friday afternoon, I realized I had an overwhelmingly emotional experience that I couldn’t clearly convey into words. Like I said before, I was well aware of what happened centuries ago. But the moments I spent inside the castle allowed me to internally feel the pain of the strife my ancestors endured. Maybe it was the imagery or maybe it was just the aura of the place still infested with sadness and turmoil. Whatever it was, it encompassed my entire being that afternoon. It created a storm in my heart as tears fell and my body weakened. Entering the grounds of the Cape Coast Castle was like entering a realm of darkness. For them it was hell because there was no turning back. For me it was only dark territory. And I was relieved to escape and see the light, unlike those from generations past.

-MR

Dating is definitely an exciting adventure because you step outside yourself and engage in an exploration of human compatibility. The journey is always sweet–in the beginning. But, as you trudge along you may discover that some elements of your relationship are tell-tale signs that the journey is over—or at least should be.

1You haven’t done anything new or out of the ordinary with your significant other in quite awhile. Relationships will become stale, boring, and probably predictable if you don’t try new things together. If your dates are becoming the same scenario week after week, it means you’re not learning more about each other.

2Phone conversations are often replaced by text messages or instant messages. Sure, this generation is all about technology and rightfully so! Both modes of communicating are embedded in convenience because they are quick and easy methods that allow people to multi-task. But, if texting and AIM are becoming the main modes of communication, then you’re probably heading for trouble because it is often hard to read emotions or fully understand the tone of conversations when you’re looking at words on a phone or computer screen.

3 You don’t hang out together as much as you used to. This could simply mean you are one half of a pair of passing ships in the sea because you’re both super busy. But, it can also mean that your guy/girl wants to spend time doing something else, which is completely fine because you should each welcome space. However, if it gets to a point where you’re barely seeing each other, that’s probably a good indication one of you is losing interest.

4You’ve been dating a pretty long time and yet haven’t met any of your significant other’s friends and he or she has expressed no interest whatsoever in meeting yours. There comes a point in every relationship where you should acknowledge your relationship to your peers. Afterall, your friends are people you genuinely like and you usually respect their opinions. So why not introduce them. If you’re truly happy in your relationship, you should have no qualms about it. And if you do, it probably means you either have commitment problems or someone on the side.

5Little things that never used to bother you about your significant other appear to suddenly leave a sour taste in your mouth. When you’re truly content in your relationship, you’ll find that you accept or ignore the things he/she does that are annoying. But, after a while if these annoyances seem to jump out at you and frustrate you, then it may mean you’re simply not happy enough with everything else in the relationship to ignore these minor irritations.

6You complain to your friends about the relationship. When we complain to our friends about a significant other, it probably means we aren’t taking care of business by addressing our problem directly to our significant other. This is never good for obvious reasons.

7You haven’t had a serious discussion about where the relationship is going in a while. This should really be a red-flag, but many of us overlook it because we get so caught up in the fairy-tale idea of dating. And we’d rather be in any relationship (even if it’s not our ideal) than be solo. The point of dating is to spend enough time together to see if you both are compatible enough to become more serious. Sound old-fashioned? Probably, but it’s how many people think, even today. Not addressing this during the dating stage is a clear sign that the person you’re with isn’t interested in a commitment any time this century. If you aren’t interested in a commitment either, then celebrate! You’re definitely on the same page. But, if you are pro-commitment, take the hint and move on.

8You can no longer communicate with the person, and if you try to–you’re ignored. Communication is the main gel that will hold any relationship together, whether it be professional or romantic. So, if you can’t even find it in yourself to be honest with the person your dating and communicate your feelings (good or bad), this relationship is probably not going to last too long. And if you ignore them, it’s basically telling the other person he or she isn’t important enough to communicate with or that you don’t trust the person.

9Trying to salvage the relationship seems like more work than it’s worth. If for any reason you feel like you aren’t being appreciated or you’re the only one putting thought and effort into fixing a relationship that is faltering, then don’t even bother. It’s not fair to salvage something the other person doesn’t care about. That’s basically too much work for little reward.

-MR

Wanna party like a ROCKSTAR? Vibe Vixen shows you how…

http://www.vibevixen.com/boutique/2007/06/25/party-like-a-rockstar/

vBoutique

Party Like A Rockstar

by: Sonya Spann | Jun. 25, 2007

Living like a head-banging rebel comes with the responsibility of dressing like one.

Fortunately, this summer’s pretty-in-punk trend — which includes everything from sequin stitched dresses and rhinestone ravished rings to gleaming lame and metallic leggings — are at our lace-gloved fingertips. Need help achieving rocker status because you’re not quite earning the super-star stipend? Here are a few ways to rock the ‘Alternative Chic’ look without robbing a bank.

Steal the spotlight: First and foremost, no one is going to think you’re a rock star if you don’t dress like one. Get your shine on in this illuminating multi-dot open back halter from Express. The foil print will cast a glare wherever the light hits you; guaranteed to turn heads.

Get a leg in the door: Trying to catch the eye of a few of the right people. These body skimming legging from American Apparel will do the trick. Paired with the right attitude the look is destined for exclusive VIP access.

Walk the Walk: Well, this part, you’ve already got down. You’ve been strolling like Debbie Harry since the 80’s — you just weren’t rocking the right footwear yet. The Halie from Aldo at $195 or these Alvin lace ups for $49.99 from Nine West, are the perfect compliment to your star-studded strut.

Fake it till you make it: Diamonds are truly a girl’s bff, whether pop or punk princess. If the 18K white gold and diamond star pendants by CHANEL will leave you crying broke then try this strikingly similar 14k version and keep your pockets lined. Your digits shouldn’t go undone either — this Skull Ring for $29 or any of the accessories from Bijules will add a funky accent to your new bad girl image.

Go Platinum: So you’ve sold your millions, now its time to take it to the bank. Stroll over to Avenue, where you’ll find the Metallic Woven Satchel — the perfect finishing touch to your hotel-trashing get-up. Its roomy bucket shape offers more than enough space for that fresh stack of G’s.

British songstress Amy Winehouse gave a dynamic concert last night at the Electric Factory in Philly. After months of scrambling to find tickets, I was able to score some. The show was well worth my scrambling. There’s nothing like Winehouse in concert. Her energy, matched with her wit and powerful vocals of course, made for an exciting night of music. Winehouse performed cuts from her latest album, Back to Black (which I’ve been raving about), and a couple of songs from her debut album, Frank. Throughout the concert, Winehouse of course was not without her ramblings (she talked about doing some signature Michael Jackson leans with her mike), probably inspired by a few drinks before she hit the stage. Typical Winehouse fashion. Gotta love it!

-MR

The Funeral Look

Kirsten Dunst at the London premiere of Spiderman 3. She should have left this ‘little black dress’ at home.

Pretty in Pink?

Kirsten Dunst at the Tokyo premiere of Spiderman 3. There’s nothing pretty about this pale pink ensemble that does nothing to flatter Dunst’s already pale complexion. This is just a mess, no other way to describe it.

The Bow Dress Look

Kirsten Dunst at the France premiere of Spiderman 3. Out of all the dresses she wore, this one actually wasn’t too bad, except for the fact that it makes her look older than she is, which seems to be the case with all her garments. However, this rich burgundy looks good on her. The cinched bow flatters her petite waist. The slight touch of white on the bow contrasts well with the solid- colored dress. I’d lose the bows on her shoulders as well as the chunky heels. Flats would go much better with this piece. From the picture I can’t tell whether or not the fabric is velvet. I’m hoping it isn’t velvet because I’m not so sure velvet is a good look for the spring style-wise or common sense-wise with the warm weather and all.

Every Fashion Disaster Has A Silver Lining?

Kirsten Dunst at the Kaufman Astoria Studios during the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival for the Spiderman 3 premiere in New York City. Sorry Ms. Dunst, but there’s no silver lining here. This metallic silver outfit is HIDEOUS! I don’t know what look she was going for, but whatever it was, it didn’t work. At first glance, this piece looks like a space alien Halloween costume. I know it sounds crazy, but can’t you see it??

-MR

The innovative ink in R&B wonder boy Ne-Yo’s pen has finally run out. Coming off his critically acclaimed debut album, In My Own Words, Ne-Yo returns with his new album, Because of You, which hit stores May 1. Unfortunately, his new album is nowhere near as brilliant as his debut, which declared him the new “it-boy” of R&B with its eloquent and catchy lyrics matched with stunning vocals and production. Maybe Ne-Yo is cursed with the sophomore slump. Or just maybe he’s run out of ink from penning the last of his good material for R&B stars like Beyonce (he wrote her #1 single, “Irreplaceable”) and Rihanna (he wrote her summer hit, “Unfaithful”).

Regardless, I expected more from Ne-Yo. Don’t get me wrong; the album is not horrible. It’s just not memorable lyrically or production wise. In the majority of his album, Ne-Yo talks about sex, love, withered relationships—typical R&B material. Whereas Ne-Yo covered this material with lyrical prowess in his debut album, he was unable to repeat his strong efforts.

There are exceptions of course.

One of his best tracks, “Do You,” has Ne-Yo questioning an ex who has moved on, whether she still cares. “I know what we have is dead and gone/Too many times I made you cry/And I don’t mean to interrupt your life/I just wonder do I cross your mind,” he cries. “Because of You,” Ne-Yo’s first single about his addiction to sex is also a winner, but mostly for its catchy melody, which mirrors “So Sick,” from his last album. Surprisingly, Ne-Yo does take a risk in “Sex with My Ex,” with its edgy 80’s infused rock sound. However, in this track he seems like he’s trying too hard to imitate Prince, which doesn’t come off well. Maybe, Ne-Yo will redeem himself with a slew of hit singles for other artists—something he’s yet to fail at.

Best Songs: “Do You,” “Make it Work,” “Angel,” “Say It,” “Because of You,” “Crazy” feat. Jay-Z

My Grade: B-/C+

-MR